Why I Like Lying to Myself

Prefer to listen? I recorded a full audio version for members inside Invisible World.

Heart

“Just put down here how much you think you’ll make.”

I squinted and lowered my pen, “Uh think I’ll make? I don’t get it.”

Eric smiled, “Just use your best guess. There’s no wrong number. Whatever bonuses, commissions, you might get this year, if you think you might get a raise or promotion, or heck even a different job, just ballpark it.”

I tapped my pen against the loan docs, I do have a big imagination, I do believe in myself, it’s possible I’ll have my best year. Yeah that’s it.

That’s when Eric tossed in the closing clincher, “Plus . . . remember we can include whatever figures you collect from tenant rents, or better yet, projected rents because these do look low to me.”

And that’s how I bought my first 4plex rental property with only 5k down. It’s how I paid for Eric’s trip to Hawaii the next month. How I ended up with tenants who made more money that I did.

It’s how, between us, I lied to myself, then lied on those loan documents. 100.

A few months later, I parked my old Toyota Camry next to his new Mercedes.

I bet I’ll be in one off those soon. I tapped the elevator button with a whistle.

This time I was snapping up a 3plex, felt easy now, like picking up a gallon of milk on the way home.

His fancy watch clinked the cherry wood desk as he slid the stated income loan docs across for my signature.

I didn’t have any questions this time.

My imagination was bigger, so I wrote bigger numbers. I was only required to pay 3k down this time.

I signed the check, “Eric I don’t understand. I feel bad, like I’m not paying you for all your help.”

He straightened his tie and snuck a glance out of the highrise office windows, “Oh Jonz, don’t worry about it. You’re good,” he waived me off. “I get paid out of the loan from the bank, I’ll be just fine. I just want to help your portfolio grow and get you that passive cashflow you deserve.”

OK. I was in my 20s. I had 7 units now. I was on my way.

Later that month, the first tenant called saying the furnace went out, the next month a roof was literally leaking.

These are normal things that happen. But with no cash reserve, each phone call became a loose grenade.

Ahhh . . . Good times.

No matter how hard I imagined big numbers they didn’t come that year. Or the next. One tenant even made more money than me.

I look back on my real estate roller coaster, why didn’t it work out so well for me?

What happened? Not why did I buy big investments with no reserves and stretch the numbers on my loan docs. I see the dollars and cents. Rather the nonsense.

I mean in my core.

What was happening in there?

I didn’t get into real estate because I LOVED it. But 100?

Because I was afraid. Fear.

Friend, do you see it?

I was afraid of Eric. Afraid of the Mercedes, his vacation tan, the way he talked about his properties like he was collecting shoeboxes of baseball cards.

Why couldn’t I be doing that, was I destined to just be a JV player?

I was afraid not being rich. Of missing out. I didn’t just have a temporary case of FOMO, it was worse, it was chronic, and none of the treatments were working. Not even stacking up rental properties I couldn’t afford.

Friend, what would happen if I put my focus and energy into pursuing things I loved, instead of feared?

And that’s our practice this week. Moving from FOMO to FOMOOM.

Slight recipe change. But it completes the antidote.

Haven’t heard of FO-MOOM?

You know, Fear Of Missing Out On Me.

Tonight when I wrote this I wondered. What if . . . what if I pushed the docs back across the table. My fancy watch didn’t clink because I don’t have one.

What if I said: “Actually I’m going to pass Eric. Because I’m afraid.”

“Oh Jonz, you don’t need to be afraid, just take the first steps, you can do—”

“I’m afraid Eric,” I’d interrupt, “that I’d be missing out on me . . . on me! On producing the InspoLetter, the podcast, and creating the Invisible World. I can’t miss that. See—I love it.”

It may have taken me two decades. But I got here. I’m here 💫 

This week our practice is pursue with love. Not fear. Move forward out of love, what lights you up, love your superpowers and how they can help your broader ecosystem.

Even if Eric thinks it’s silly. Even if it means there’s no Mercedes in it.

Because the world doesn’t need you to drive a Mercedes → the world needs who you were meant to be, so be it 💯 

Mind 🤯 

Subprime loans were less than 5% of mortgages in the 1990s. By 2005, they were 20% of the entire U.S. mortgage market. That’s 1 out of every 5.

Before the 2007 market crash, people (like me) were buying property with no money down. Sometimes even 103% financing to cover closing costs.

If prices dipped even 1%, borrowers were underwater instantly 🌊 

Soul ⚡️ 

🎶 Ain't got nothing left to prove
Man, I'm finally free
Damn, it feels good to be me

You're only shining
When you act yourself
Wish I could have learned that
Before I went through hell
Lord, I was trying to flip the cards I was dealt
I was tired of hiding, I had some words with myself

I said stop tryin' to be the things that I'm not
Tryin' to be like everyone else
Tryin' to fit inside of that box 🎶 

—Damn It Feels Good To Be Me, song, by Andy Grammar

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